Dudas existenciales eventuales

Lamento el idioma de esta entrada, pero mis pensamientos salen con ese aspecto en ese momento...

So, I turned on my old computer the other day.
The computer that basically knows my hole love stories, my deepest  and not so deep secrets.
I found old pictures, conversations, songs and a wallpaper that reminded me of the old days, where my life was not as complicated as it is now.
When I wasn't a total adult...

I really don't understand how my life ended up the way it did, and it kills me to know that I won't know what's coming. I love spoilers, and life never gives out a thing!

I'm about to oficially leave behind my life, my HOLE life, behind and I don't even know if I'm ready for that. I'm so afraid, and I swear that I'm running out of tears. I only know we don't deserve this. And it hurts like shit.

I only know my world is never gonna be the same, and it's my fault. My heart aches so bad. I don't even know if I wanna do it. But right now, nothing feels right. NOTHING!
SOMETIMES THE HARDEST THING AND THE RIGHT THING ARE THE SAME!!!!!

FUCK, IT HURTS!
IT HURTS SO BAD!

I just hate it... I even hate myself for doing this.